Valentine’s Day is so much more than flowers and a fancy dinner which have been done to death and require zero imagination. Spoil your loved one with one of these romantic, albeit, unusual gifts and leave the roses to the suckers.
1 – Belgian chocolate edible anus. Because nothing says eat my ass like groceries like a chocolate butthole.
£23.95 for 5 boxes from Edible Anus
2 – Salami Bouquet. Flowers wilt and die but meat is forever… Kinda. Also, this is a sure fire way of letting her know you want her to chow down on some meat.
3 – Heart shaped BBQ branding iron. Feel like being a smug bastard and staying home to cook instead of joining the British underclass in their set menu and house wine evening out this Valentine’s Day? Make your partner a steak and seal it with love. This would also come in very handy for Steak & BJ Day.
$24.95 from Texas Irons.
4 – Kanye card. Because who loves Kanye more than Kanye?
I don’t know where this card is from but you can buy a buttload of similar ones from Etsy.
5 – Erox body spray. The Sex Panther for women, men will fall at your feet with this on and you won’t have to spend another Valentine’s Day cuddled up with your cats.
$59.95 for 40ml from Erox.
6 – Giant selfie head. If you’re in a long-distance relationship these creepy giant head photos are the next best thing to having you there in person.
$19.99 for a 2 foot giant head from Build a Head.
7 – Wine handbag. For the classy lady in your life.
£29.99 from Firebox.
8 – Shit bitch bear. Well, you can’t say it’s not original.
£17.99 from Firebox.
9 – 3D Big Butt book. The ultimate gift for guys who like big butts and cannot lie.
£24.99 from Firebox.
10 – Let’s make out cushion. Give your house a touch of ‘I’m a poncey young trendy type’ by throwing this cushion on your old banger of a sofa and cut to the chase this Valentine’s Day.
$97 from Alexandra Ferguson.