I turn 28 in July and can’t seem to shake off that feeling that as unmarried woman with no kids I’m going to slowly start growing patches of mould like old bread and start thinking farts are disgusting and not funny because that’s what thirty year old woman do, right? Bruh, farts will always be funny. I don’t want to live in a world where farts aren’t funny.
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who had been going through a bad time and his sister had put together a list of 30 things to check off and it really made me think about my own life goals as 30 feels like such a huge milestone, especially as a woman. I live alone, I can cook a meal from scratch that tastes so good you’d want to slap your mother and I’ve travelled all over the world as well as knowing London like the back of my hand and regularly indulging in the quirky culture of my beautiful city. Being all kinds of open minded and adventurous I’ve done quite a lot of awesome things but before I develop a taste for soya milk and ditch my Danger Mouse pants there’s still a tonne of cool shit I still need to do.
1 – Climb Ben Nevis. I’m planning to climb Ben Nevis before the summer is out! It’s been up there on my list of things to do for a good few years but I’ve just never got around to it as Scotland is so bloody far!
2 – Visit the The Church of Bones (Sedlac Ossuary) in Prague. I have visited Prague many times for work and in August two of my lovely friends who live there are getting married so I’m going to sneak away for the afternoon and visit the Church of Bones. It looks so beautiful, if a little fucked up but I guess that’s the kinda stuff I like.
3 – Do mushrooms in Amsterdam. I’ve been to Amsterdam many times, I even had a Christmas work do there which was awesome and whilst I’ve indulged in a few of the ‘local delicacies’ *ahem* I’ve never done anything as hardcore as mushrooms and whilst I’m hesitant about not being fully in control of my body I want to meet a few leprechauns and mushrooms are natural. Kinda.
4 – Run a half marathon. It’s more of the discipline of training to run a marathon that appeals to me rather than the actual running itself. Running is pretty shit and I hate it but if I have something to aim for I get tunnel vision and don’t stop until I’ve reached that goal. Luckily, one of my good friends is keen to help me and we’re going for our first run tomorrow!
5 – Skydive abroad. I’ve already done a tandem skydive and whilst it was an awesome experience, I did it over some British countryside which didn’t provide the best view plus it was a bit cloudy. I want to do another skydive where I have an awesome view and am drenched in sunshine.
6 – Do more volunteering/charity work. I’ve been involved with a homeless shelter and more recently I was a volunteer counsellor at a well known prison and I absolutely loved the experience of selflessly helping other people who really need it.
7 – See the Mona Lisa and Catacombs in Paris. I’ve wanted to go to Paris for the longest time but it’s never quite happened and I’m absolutely dying to see the Mona Lisa and eat the macaroons they sell in McDonald’s! There really is no excuse what with the Eurostar making Paris so cheap and accessible…
8 – Sleep under the Northern Lights in a glass igloo. I love to watch the stars, I have a skylight right above my bed and I gaze at them every night before I drift off to sleep. The Northern Lights are visible on roughly 200 nights a year in Lapland, I could ever see Santa whilst I’m there and tell him not to believe everything he hears. LOL.
9 – Visit Thailand and train in a Thai boxing camp for a fortnight. I trained in Muay Thai for around 2 years and really enjoyed it. I was fit, healthy and felt confident in able to protect myself should any bitches not bow down but most importantly I was so focused it made me improve other areas of my life. I trained in a shady backstreet gym in Peckham and whilst I feel I was taught well I can only imagine the knowledge I could gain from the fighters in Thailand.
10 – Pass my Direct Access motorbike test. I’ve been into bikes pretty much my whole life, my dad has had a bike from as long as I can remember and I was always on the back! I had a little dirt bike at the tender age of 6 which fuelled my passion for 2 wheels leading to me having two 125’s when I was 23. Unfortunately I moved house and life got in the way but I would love to get my full bike license, I have my heart set on a KTM Duke or a Ducati Monster. There’s no words to describe the feeling of being on a fast bike on a hot day, it’s almost addictive. Also, I met so many awesome people through biking the first time round and I really fucking miss them.
11 – Study to gain a new skill. I’m very keen to study social care and it’s definitely something I shall be doing in the very near future. My local college has a variety of night classes or I could do an Open University course but I have a good feeling I wouldn’t actually do anything and just piss around all day if I was left to my own devices. Hmmm.
12 – Fire a powerful gun on a shooting range. A few friends have just come back from Vegas and they went to a shooting range and it looked all kinds of awesome! Plus, I’m going to need basic skills for the zombie apocalypse…
13 – Go to a music festival. Mud, portaloo’s and drug ravaged dicks everywhere lessen the appeal of music festivals for me but on the flip side I can’t think of anything better than getting off my tits with my friends seeing some of my favourite bands play live in the sunshine. I would like to do Rock Werchter or Download but I think 2 days would be enough… Any longer than that in a tent and I’d turn into a demon. Hungover Karleigh needs approaching with caution and a comfortable bed!
14 – Go on a cruise. Not so keen on being surrounded by all that water (I’m not a strong swimmer, This the enduring Rolex Submariner fake watch was discharged with the dual lock crown system that allowed for the capability of reaching one hundred meters water-resistant. I look like a goat stuck in a flood) but I love the idea of waking up every day in another country. They’re pretty cheap these days too and not full of old people like I once thought. Oh and the food. THE FOOD.
15 – See Beyoncé in concert. Mate, I’m probably Beyoncé’s biggest fan but she only plays huge, packed-out venues which have me feeling a bit twitchy as just the thought of being there. I suffer slightly from anxiety in enclosed spaces with tonnes of people and I’m not sure how I would handle the volume of bodies but I would love to show Beyonce my one legged twerk. I bet she’d fucking love it.
16 – Fall In love with someone almost as awesome as me. Many things in life can be shitty, love shouldn’t be one of them.
17 – Be an extra in a movie. I’ve worked on a zombie film as a make up artists and I’ve also a part of World Zombie Day (I was a Resident Evil nurse!) but I’ve never been in a film and I think I’d make a pretty bad ass zombie.
19 – See a show on Broadway. I LOVE the theatre, I’m lucky enough to live a stone’s throw from central London and I’m good at finding dirt cheap seats so I do go fairly often but like everything in New York I imagine it’s bigger, better and even more awesome than anything I’ve seen before.
20 – Feel comfortable with my body and who I am. Possibly one of the most tricky things on my list that needs ticking off and I’m not sure if it will ever be fully achievable but I’m a hell of a lot more body confident now than when I was in my early 20’s.
21 – Learn to walk in high heels. My mum says I look like Dick Emery in stiletto’s.
22 – Switch off from technology for the week and go camping/hiking/fishing etc. Usually not my bag as I love my home comforts but if the weather’s nice I imagine this would be pretty awesome. I’d be all Bear Grylls and only eat what I catch too, I’d probably starve but think of the weight loss!
23 – Buy a house. FFS. Yeah, this probably won’t happen.
24 – Stay the night in an abandoned and rumoured to be haunted building. I’m terrified of the dark and anything remotely scary, since living on my own I can’t even watch horror films or even that wanky horror picture Twitter feed because I know I’d be up all night. I recently had a diva moment at the Warwick Castle dungeon, the weird jester dude had it in for me from the word go and as we stood in this dark room full of monks I shouted at them to open the door and full on freaked out. Everyone laughed at me and I gave zero fucks I just wanted out of there.
25 – Adopt a rescue cat. A lot of things needs to be in place for this to happen as I’m currently renting but I would love to adopt a rescue cat. Maybe an older one that just wants to chill and eat tuna with me and see out their last days in peace.
26 – Play poker in Vegas. I learnt to play poker on a bizarre first date with a male stripper in a dingy Fleet Street pub whilst drinking gin with cucumber like true classy bastards. He was a professional poker player (as well as professional dick shower) and we played until last orders, using Starbursts as chips until last orders. I think he still follows me on Twitter. ‘sup.
27 – Take a road trip across Europe, even if it’s just to somewhere local-ish like Belgium. Cherry beer and chocolate everythang, mmmmm. Ideally I would like to do this on a bike but I would settle for a car because a numb bum is no joke and with a boney butt like mine it gets sore just going from London to Brighton #pancake
28 – Travel solo and go back packing, staying in shitty hostels and making friends with crazy awesome people along the way. I’ve always travelling with friends but quite like the idea of doing exactly what I want and being forced to meet new people. I’m fairly sociable but if I’m good at reading people from the word go… Some people call it judgemental, I call it my gut instinct.
29 – Conquer a fear. I’m terrified of moths, once the summer hits I become a moth ninja, checking every door, ceiling, light and corner of every room to make sure no flying dust filled flying pricks are in there waiting to attack me. I hate the sound of their wings flapping against the wall, I hate the way they always fly in your damn face and some of them are huge! I’ve slept on the sofa many times when a moth has been in my bedroom, it’s that deep.
30 – Drink a Sex On The Beach on Waikiki Beach, Hawaii. I fell in love with the idea of visiting Hawaii after reading Lindsay Kelk’s About a Girl (a FABULOUS read and Lindsay is fucking awesome). The unspoilt scenery looks breathtaking and I would love to see dolphins up close and a volcano!