edible anus
Aside

Belgian chocolate buttholes and 9 other weird Valentine’s Day gifts

Valentine’s Day is so much more than flowers and a fancy dinner which have been done to death and require zero imagination. Spoil your loved one with one of these romantic, albeit, unusual gifts and leave the roses to the suckers.

1 – Belgian chocolate edible anus.  Because nothing says eat my ass like groceries like a chocolate butthole.

£23.95 for 5 boxes from Edible Anus

chocolate anus

2 – Salami Bouquet. Flowers wilt and die but meat is forever… Kinda. Also, this is a sure fire way of letting her know you want her to chow down on some meat.

$50 for 3 stems from Olympic Provisions (or you could make your own for a couple of quid with some Peperami and a bit of tissue paper. Boom.)

salami bouquet

3 – Heart shaped BBQ branding iron. Feel like being a smug bastard and staying home to cook instead of joining the British underclass in their set menu and house wine evening out this Valentine’s Day? Make your partner a steak and seal it with love. This would also come in very handy for Steak & BJ Day.

$24.95 from Texas Irons.

heart shaped

4 – Kanye card. Because who loves Kanye more than Kanye?

I don’t know where this card is from but you can buy a buttload of similar ones from Etsy.

kanye cad5 – Erox body spray. The Sex Panther for women, men will fall at your feet with this on and you won’t have to spend another Valentine’s Day cuddled up with your cats.

$59.95 for 40ml from Erox.

erox

6 – Giant selfie head. If you’re in a long-distance relationship these creepy giant head photos are the next best thing to having you there in person.

$19.99 for a 2 foot giant head from Build a Head.

build a head

7 – Wine handbag. For the classy lady in your life.

£29.99 from Firebox.

wine handbag

8 – Shit bitch bear. Well, you can’t say it’s not original.

£17.99 from Firebox.

shit bitch bear

9 – 3D Big Butt book. The ultimate gift for guys who like big butts and cannot lie.

£24.99 from Firebox.

big butt book

10 – Let’s make out cushion. Give your house a touch of ‘I’m a poncey young trendy type’ by throwing this cushion on your old banger of a sofa and cut to the chase this Valentine’s Day.

$97 from Alexandra Ferguson.

lets make out pillow

blousey lush
Aside

Lush Blousey shampoo review

As someone who has dyed their hair all the colours of the rainbow for years and home-bleached it various shades of yellow and orange it’s fair to say my hair is not in the best condition. Naturally wavy and thick I’ve always battled to keep it frizz-free and manageable and have tried pretty much every moisturising shampoo on the market!

lushu

In the past 6 months I’ve given it a slight break by only using semi-permanent dyes and have taken the more relaxed route when it comes to heat styling: going to bed with it wet, waking up with it semi-dry and just sticking it in a bun and carrying on about my bidniz. My hair’s still recovering from an awful keratin blow-dry treatment in which the stylist BURNT my scalp resulting in an itchy, flaky scalp that can only be controlled with specialist Neutrogena T/Gel shampoo. I’ve grown to love the effect this shampoo has on my hair, not only does it soothe my irritated scalp it also makes my hair incredibly soft and easy to straighten BUT the major downside is that with all dandruff/irritated scalp shampoos it strips the colour off my hair and leaves it looking a little dull. Oh and it smells like freshly laid tarmac. Hmmmpf.

Enter, Lush Blousey! The answer to all my prayers with it’s mash of bananas and softening oils to hydrate hair without stripping the colour. I’m not going to lie, I HATE the fact it comes in a pot. It’s way too fiddly to mess about with in the shower and think of all the excess water etc. that gets in there too. Also, a 240g pot is £18. £18!!!!!!!!! That’s Kerastase money son.

Lush say:

A thick, deeply moisturising shampoo that hydrates your hair, leaving it feeling soft, nourished and cared for. Blousey is bursting with butters, bananas and berries to revive and protect hair. Bananas are protein-rich and soften the hair; cocoa and cupuaçu butters also restore moisture, and antiseptic pimento berry is effective in maintaining a healthy scalp.

banana catBack during the Boxing Day sale (urgh, never again) a lady in the queue was raving about Blousey as it was half price and it’s the only thing that can tame her afro hair and make it manageable. As the Wimbledon store is so small and we were snaked around pretty much the whole store it was impossible not to join in the conversation and whilst I was tempted to grab a pot there and then I had already been standing there for the best part of twenty minutes and didn’t want to lose my spot (sales bitches be crazy). Anyway, with my interest piqued I came back at a later date and grabbed a small sample pot containing roughly 2 uses by a lovely sales assistant back at their Wimbledon store. I sometimes find their staff a bit overbearing and to be honest, it does put me off going in Lush stores knowing I’d be faced with 1920292020 smiley sales assistants asking me if I’m OK. I digress!

So what did I think? Now with all them bananas you would expect it to smell banana-y, right? Unfortunately (or fortunately, for banana scent haters) it has a more earthy sort of smell, almost botanical? Think Liz Earle, dirt and hippies. The smell was quite refreshing as it felt natural, like I wasn’t smothering my head in artificial nastiness which while smells more palatable, doesn’t do my delicate scalp any favours. Whilst I’m not a fan of the pot packaging the texture of the product probably wouldn’t fare too well in a squeezy bottle as it’s so thick… Think bread dough!

lush blouseyIt felt a bit strange using a shampoo that didn’t lather but I felt the moisturising properties of all the oils and butters straight away, almost like I was washing my hair with conditioner. I doubled cleansed as I do with all shampoos (I use a LOT of products and generally get quite a lot of build-up, hence always needing to wash twice) I probably could have got away without using a conditioner at all as my hair felt really soft and I could run my hands through it without any snags or tangles. I used my usual conditioner and rinsed as normal and my hair did feel pretty good, if a little heavy. I blow dried my hair with a little Tresemme 7 Day Smooth and straightened as usual and whilst it felt moisturised it looked a little lank and greasy, and that was pretty much straight after I washed it. I also felt like there was a coating on my hair, almost like a wax which was giving the feeling it was softer but was actually still quite dry underneath. Hmmm. Fast forward to day 2 and my hair looked so greasy I couldn’t wait to wash it again which is unlike me as I’m lazy and normally leave it 3-4 days, my hair is so dry and thick it never looks/feels greasy until day 4!

Overall, I wouldn’t purchase this product personally as I feel it was too heavy for my hair and the price point is way too high IMHO but I really think this would work on extremely dry or afro hair or as a treatment after colouring/bleaching your hair.